Weathering the Changes

What a piece of worke is a man! how Noble in
Reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving
how express and admirable! in Action, how like an Angel!
in apprehension, how like a God? the beauty of the
world, the paragon of animals; and yet to me, what is
this quintessence of dust! Man delights not me; no,
nor Woman neither; though by your smiling you seeme
to say soThe Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark (Act II, Scene ii)

Precedent Bone Spurs Pussy Grabber in charge now, having just completed his first year in office (may the gods grant it is his only year, please!), and the second Women’s March has recently taken place.

Among the hilarious and thought-provoking signs spotted in the various marches: a child with the sign reading “I’m not allowed to act like the President”, many inclusive and support signs on issues that are intersection with all people, not only women (yet I don’t recall seeing even a single “Not All Men” type among them, though undoubtedly there was at least one, perhaps on the sidelines, in protest), but the one that has hit me the hardest is actually not inclusive, which was the intent of it in the first place. Many call it transphobic.

Pinknews has an article about it with the sign, here. There’s been a lot of reaction to the sign, and the intent of it, much of which is summed up in Penknews’ article.

Aside from the signs, there’s another aspect of the Women’s March that upsets some people: “Not My Pussy Hat: Why I Didn’t Participate in the Women’s March This Year” A lot of gender non-conforming/non-binary folks feel much the same way.

Many of these same issues were raised last year, at which time I wrote the following:

I didn’t attend any marches or planning meetings. I was somewhat confused by some of the comments on social media as to why some transfolx didn’t participate, as nothing I was seeing indicated any deliberate exclusions.

Several of the posts I saw by those expressing exclusionary feelings were from non-binary people. I can sort of understand why they might feel that, especially if the only people they were seeing wearing the hats were women (and for the most part, I don’t distinguish between cis and trans women or men, unless it’s actually relevant to something, and I don’t see this issue that way.)

However, as a non-bearer of a uterus whose birth certificate states I am female, I’m not going to say they should have joined in or stayed away, because their perceptions and feelings of safety and inclusiveness are theirs, not mine, no matter how well or poorly I may be able to relate to them.

Me, personally? Had I been physically capable to attend any of the rallies or marches, I would have. The physical emblems are not nearly as important as the underlying issues (which in my world includes racial equality as well as all of the other issues others have mentioned.)

However, as someone else mentioned to me, “exclusion doesn’t have to be deliberate in order to be real.”

But there’s something about that anti-trans sign with which I agree: “Woman is not a ‘feeling,’ a costume, or a performance of a stereotype!”.

No, it isn’t. Nor is it a “state of mind”, or a “life choice”, any more than having a nervous system is a life choice or state of mind. It’s not something that we put on and later take off, and if transgender people are stereotypes, it’s largely because the Gatekeepers have demanded it of them.

Yesterday, I was interviewed for about two hours as part of a survey and study on transgender veterans and their mental health care. Among the many things the interviewer and I discussed, was the topic of how we identify. Given my preferences, I identify as female. Not trans-female, not MTF. If it’s relevant to why it’s being asked, I can add “transgender (although, as I explained, I still prefer the older and now-more obsolete term “transsexual”.)

I’ve always been female. I pretended, badly, to be male for many years, and failed miserably. I was miserable, the people around me were miserable, and I hated the pretense – for nearly 60 years. I was depressed for most of those years – suicidally so. I have no idea how many attempts I made, from the first hanging attempt (before school-age) to the knife through my wrist and beyond.

Continue reading

You put your right foot in…

For the past few months, I’ve been making changes and making arrangements to resume the journey I put on hold 40-something years ago. This past week was my consult with the endocrinologist and a mental health therapist. Everything is currently on pace to take the next big step in January.

After such a long break in the process, it’s been — interesting — to see it becoming reality. With my name change, it felt as though a massive weight had been lifted from off me, as I shed years of resentment towards my birth name. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens next.


First Quarter Done…

March 31 already! This year is proving to pass us by as rapidly as the past several have.

Baseball Spring Training is finishing up, I have the Seattle Mariners/Chicago Cubs game on at the moment. It’s strange to see Lou Pinella in a different uniform, he was the manager for the Mariners for the majority of the time I’ve been following them. This is a very different team from our past seasons, much younger, and hungrier, I think. They’ve had a good Spring session and it bodes well for the remainder of the season.

I note that Green Egg Magazine has been reborn yet again. While I was a great fan of the original run, the “Next Generation” never had quite the same appeal. Granted, the Pagan world was smaller back then, and we generally knew of just about everyone who was active in it back then. The focus of the magazine changed, however with the second go-round, and so I’m more than a bit leery of this present incarnation, which is strictly web-based and by subscription. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I realize that webspace costs money, and that an e-zine is less expensive to produce than a print one, but I have fond memories of going back and rereading my old issues, even now. I suppose that time alone will tell if it is worth it or not.

I’m still feeling my way about blogger; I’m quite comfortable with the LiveJournal interfaces and clients, and update there much more often. Part of the reason is that I can lock posts there to restricted groups of people, and I’ve not really bene able to work that out for here. As a result, there isn’t a great deal of content here, and anything truly personal will be posted in my LiveJournal.

I’ll be in Rhode Island this time next month, visiting with some dear friends; while the trip will be brief, it’s been much needed. While there, I may get to visit with some others who live “nearby” if time and transportation can be worked out.