The Giraffe Test

Ok all of you brainiacs

Take the test, don’t cheat

Take one at a Time

You don’t need to tell me how you did

There are 4 questions. Don’t miss one.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down.

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2 How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
Wrong Answer.
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals
attend … except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide the email I received this in, around 90% of the Professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that most professionals do not have the brains of a four-year-old.

Now you can send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends…

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Live like an eighty-year old

One day I had lunch with some friends. Jim, a short, balding golfer type about 80 years old, came along with them—all in all, a pleasant bunch.

When the menus were presented, we ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups, except for Jim who said, “Ice Cream, please. Two scoops,
chocolate.

I wasn’t sure my ears heard right, and the others were aghast. “Along with heated apple pie,” Jim added, completely unabashed.

We tried to act quite nonchalant, as if people did this all the time. But when our orders were brought out, I didn’t enjoy mine.

I couldn’t take my eyes off Jim as his pie a-la-mode went down. The other guys couldn’t believe it. They ate their lunches silently and grinned.

The next time I went out to eat, I called and invited Jim. I lunched on white meat tuna. He ordered a parfait.

I smiled. He asked if he amused me, I answered, “Yes, you do, but also you confuse me. How come you order rich desserts, while I feel I must be sensible?

He laughed and said “I’m tasting all that is Possible. I try to eat the food I need, and do the things I should. But life’s so short, my friend, I hate missing out on something good.
This year I realized how old I was. (He grinned) I haven’t been this old before.”

“So, before I die, I’ve got to try those things that for years I had ignored. I haven’t smelled all the flowers yet. There are too many trout streams I haven’t fished. There’s more fudge sundaes to wolf down and kites to be flown overhead. There are too many golf courses I haven’t played. I’ve not laughed at all the jokes. I’ve missed a lot of sporting events and potato chips and cokes. I want to wade again in water and feel ocean spray on my face. I want to sit in a country church once more and thank God for His grace. I want peanut butter every day spread on my morning toast. I want
un-timed long distance calls to the folks I love the most. I haven’t cried at all the movies yet, or walked in the morning rain. I need to feel wind on my face. I want to be in love again. So, if I choose to have dessert, instead of having dinner, then should I die before night fall, I’d say I died a winner, because I missed out on nothing. I filled my heart’s desire. I had that final chocolate mousse before my life expired.”

With that, I called the waitress over.. “I’ve changed my mind, ” I said. “I want what he is having, only add some more whipped cream!”

This is my gift to you – We need an annual Friends Day! If  you get this twice, then you have more than one friend.

Live well, love much & laugh often – Be happy.

SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS including me if I’m lucky enough to be counted among them. Be mindful that happiness isn’t based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people we like and respect.

Remember that while money talks,  CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM SINGS!


As II was pulling my email this morning, some filtered into the folder for family emails. As I was scanning subject lines, I happened to look back at some of the older emails in that folder, of which this was one. Thanks for the memories, Elsie.

Knowledge, Power, Time, Work and Money Equations

(from an old email)

Knowledge is Power
Time is Money
and as every engineer knows, Power is Work over Time.

So, substituting algebraic equations for these time worn bits of wisdom, we get:

K = P (1)
T = M (2)
P = W/T (3)

Now, do a few simple substitutions:

Put W/T in for P in equation (1), which yields:

K = W/T (4)

Put M in for T into equation (4), which yields:

K = W/M (5)

Now we’ve got something. Expanding back into English, we get:

Knowledge equals Work over Money.

What this MEANS is that:

1.The More You Know, the More Work You Do, and
2.The More You Know, the Less Money You Make.

Solving for Money, we get:

M = W/K (6)

Money equals Work Over Knowledge.

From equation (6) we see that Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches 0, regardless of the Work done.

What THIS MEANS is:

The More you Make, the Less you Know.

Solving for Work, we get

W = M K (7)

Work equals Money times Knowledge.

From equation (7) we see that Work approaches 0 as Knowledge approaches 0.

What THIS MEANS is:

The stupid rich do little or no work.

Working out the socioeconomic implications of this breakthrough is left as an exercise for the reader.

Butt Prints In The Sand

[This piece was posted many, many years ago to the old PODSNet BBS systems. I ran across it tonight while looking for something related to PODSNet. It’s a slightly different version of the more famous “I had a Dream” aka “Footprints in the Sand”. If anyone knows who actually wrote it, please let me know, so that I can correct the “author unknown’.]

BUTT PRINTS IN THE SAND

One night I had a wonderous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
“The footprints of the Goddess,” I swore,
But mine were not along the shore,
Then some stranger prints did appear,
and I humbly asked Her, “What have we Here?
These prints are large and round and neat,
Much too big to be from feet.”

“My child,” She said in somber tones,
“For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait.

You would not learn, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up.
And there I dropped you on you butt.

Because in life, there comes a time
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand.”

~Author Unknown~

Some days it doesn’t pay to chew through the restraints.

(received in an email, but I wanted to share.)

There I was is sitting by myself at the bar staring at my untouched drink. Suddenly, a 6’ 8” tattooed biker steps up next to me and grabs my drink. He then grinned at me and gulped down my drink in one swig. “Well, whatcha gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.

“Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I just need to kick someone’s ass, not watch a grown man crying.”

“This is the worst day of my life,” I say. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my old lady in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bit me.”

“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve.

Then you, you overgrown horse’s ass, show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how’s your day going?”

Hope this helps you as much as it did me

I’m passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today,
and we could all probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on television this morning said that the way to achieve
inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t
finished and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a
bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle
of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha marinder of a botl of Prozic and
Valum pscriptins, the res of the Chesescke and a box a chocolets.

Yu haf no idr who fkin gud I fel.

Preas sen dis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov inr pece.