Yeah, yeah, I never call I never write

Considering most of what I do here is bitch and moan, I guess we should all count ourselves lucky, no?

I’m looking at lines in the sand currently. I’m 57 this year with diabetes and high blood pressure. Is there a possibility that going on hormones might make my life feel more comfortable? Surgery is pretty well ruled out at this point, my healing factor is too low, to the degree that I would never heal. (My last surgery, a cyst removal, was in 1999 and is still not fully healed.)

My wife losing her job in 2009 really put a stumbling block in my plans; I had been planning on starting hormones then, as our insurance would have covered them (I really miss having insurance that good – we had no copays for anything. I doubt we will ever see that again.) With a daughter who is bipolar, having no insurance means a lot of what would be otherwise available money goes to keeping her medications current. Sigh, more whining, I know.

I really do count ourselves lucky, for all my pissing and moaning; I know that far too many of my friends have no insurance at all and that many are one illness away from catastrophe. I’ve been there too, it’s just been a while.

I put a lot of my life on hold for others – something we do when there is someone in it we care about – and I’m wondering if there is enough time left for me.

It’s a largely rhetorical question, an ultimately one only I can answer.