The Very Model of a Modern Esotericist

The Kevin Kline/Angela Lansbury version of Pirates of Penzance was on TV the other night, and it reminded me of this…

From the Green Egg vol XXIV no.95.

                  The Very Model of a Modern Esotericist
                     by Bill Beattie, from Shadowplay

     I am the very model of a modern esotericist,
     A seasoned astral traveler and an edifying exorcist,
     A sparkling star astrologer, a dead adroit necromancer.
     A dab hand as a palmist and a card as a Tarotmancer.
     I’ve folk tradition lineage-both Celtic and Germanical;
     I’ve channelled Robert Heinlein and I’ve busted cults Satanical;
     Elusively mysterious in Eleusinian Mysteries,
     I’ve proven eighty-three per cent of Velikovsky’s histories.
     My patent aphrodisiacs would make a satyr hornier;
     I’ve manufactured unicorns in northern California.
     In short, in matters magical I’m manic as a terrorist;
     I am the very model of a modern esotericist!

     I am the very model of a modern esotericist.
     My mystic methodology’s inherently empiricist;
     I’ve tread the Cretan labyrinth on pathways that I travel on;
     I won’t deny the rumors that I ghostwrote Mists of Avalon.
     A truly great Great Riter and a master of tantrickery,
     I’m up the Shining Pathways til the Guardians are sick of me.
     I dazzle Neo-Pagans as I breakdance round the Wicca ring
     And, miracle of miracles, I even stop them bickering!
     I’ve raised the ghost of Crowley in a Gnostic Mass invoking in
     Sumerian, Bavarian, Etruscan and Enochian.
     I’d sing another chorus, but I have to see my therapist;
     I am the very model of a modern esotericist!

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